10 Negative Phrases you may be Saying to your Kids that may be Affecting their Confidence

I remember as a kid being told that a few family members had died by drowning.  I was therefore told not to go near water.  

Because I was constantly ‘reminded’ of the dangers of water, even after I tried to learn to swim, fear had taken root into my spirit.   All I could hear and see where the perceived dangers.  

Thank God I have been delivered from that crippling fear now.  I could not even stand near the edge of a bridge that was over water…It was that bad!!

It is very easy to speak negative to our kids.  Sometimes as in my example above, we are trying to protect our kids.  But instead, we do is only plant the seeds of fear.

Sometimes we speak negatively out of our frustrations with ourselves or even with what our kids are doing that we do not like.

We have always established on our blogs that words have POWER.  Words are containers of our destiny so we can’t afford to be careless with how we speak.

Here are 10 negative phrases you may be saying to your kids which you need to change TODAY: 

Do so, and watch your kids’ future shine brightly.  

##1  You are naughty boy/girl

They may have done something naughty but that does not make them naughty.  You may have told a lie, does that make you a liar?

##2  Don’t be silly

You know you don’t think they are silly, so why say the word, silly?  Words are seeds.  Keep saying it, seeds germinate.  And children are usually confident until they start having negative experiences.  

 ##3 If you keep doing this, ‘xxx’ will happen to you (where xxx is usually negative!)

You say, if you run out to the road, a car will hit you.  First of all, you use the word WILL.  W-R-O-N-G!!!

Why be a prophet of doom and gloom?  Now, we are not saying do not teach your kids road safety, that would be reckless.  But you can teach them about danger without putting fear into them or without telling them something would happen TO them.  

[Tweet “Instead of saying to your #child, you ARE naughty, say instead, what you DID was naughty ” #psychology]

##4 You are lazy/careless

You know this one is not right!  I won’t spend time elaborating.

##5 Your brother/sister does not do xxx

Dangerous.  This is comparing.  Negative comparison.  They have different DNA even if they are twins.  They are D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T!  Just don’t go there, OK?

##6 You can’t

Of course they can!  Children are possibility conscious.  They always see opportunities.  They are limitless.  They don’t see impossibilities.  It is after years of adult negative reprogramming they begin to see limitations.  We can change that by encouraging them.  

If they of course want to do something dangerous, we can reword how we communicate…

John, I know how how much of an excellent swimmer you are.  However, with high tides on the river, it would be a greater idea if you kept to swimming in the pools at school.  Who knows, you may become an Olympic swimmer one day?

What have you just done, opened John’s visions while telling him NO!

##7 I wish you had never been born

See my comment in ##4!  This is VERY dangerous.  Say you are repent to God who gave you this gift of a child, apologise to your child please, and never do it again!

##8 I am disappointed with you

You may be disappointed over something they did.  Separate the act from the person.  See my comments in ##1 again.

##9 We can’t afford that

We got to teach our kids not to be limiting with a ‘poverty’ or ‘make do’ mindset.  Wealth begins inside even before it manifests.  Any wealthy person will tell you they were already rich inside before they made the money!

Now, that is not to say you tell your kids you will buy a Porsche when the bank account is showing there is not even enough funds for a tricycle.  However, again, it is all about rewording!

Robert Kiyosaki, bestseller author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad, says turn ‘I can’t afford this’ to ‘How can I afford this?’

He says (and I am rewording here) when you say I can’t afford this, immediately your brain stops working.  I like that!  And if you say How can I afford this, your brain starts working.  

Kiyosaki also says saying you can’t afford it, makes you feel sad and hopeless.  Think about it!  These are the negativity we do not wish to imbibe in our kids.

Alternatively, you can ask your kids ‘Do we really need this?’ or ‘Now is not the time for this’ . That way you are also teaching them other money values.

##10 That’s scary

Really?  Remember my story of water phobia at the beginning of this blog.  Nothing is scary.  

There are people who have been to the moon, climbed Everest, slept with lions (like Daniel in the Lion’s den), and done many feat.  Your son or daughter can be one of these people.  

So never paint the picture of anything being scary.  That is how the seeds of fear are sown.  Instead, teach them boldness.

As you do, they will sail through life meeting and dealing with challenges without anxiety and panic.

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