Dating and Mental Illness – Finding Love
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and for some a day where many feel depressed. Do you feel that you are missing out on love? That while others will be dining in candle lit restaurants gazing into each other’s eyes, you are at home with your cat?
Don’t despair!
Even with mental illness, happy courtships/dating are still a reality and a possibility. There is no off limits to dating and courting just because you are challenged with mental illness. As we said last time, dating and mental illness are not mutually exclusive!
#1 There is a time for everything
There is a time for everything under the sun including dating. Can you handle dating right now? Be honest with yourself.
If you are very ill, then you need to be at a place where your relationship/future marriage is not based or centered entirely on the disease. If so, then in a marriage, your spouse would quickly become a caregiver that just happens to share the bed as you!
If they are happy with that, then that is great. But if not, you need to seek help in dealing with the disease and/or get the disease under control.
You don’t want the other party to feel they are dating the disease and not dating you. Neither would you enjoy the courtship too if that was so.
If you are not stable and also not seeking help/treatment, then it would be a bit unfair to the other party too. And there is moderate to high likelihood in such cases for it all to end in tears. Don’t sweep it under the proverbial carpet.
#2 What do you want out of a potential marriage?
Christian courtships and dating have an ultimate purpose which is possibility of marriage. And every marriage has a purpose. It is not just about falling in love and going up the aisle. When both parties know their purpose in coming together, it is easier to weather the storms that show up in every marriage.
What do you want out of a prospective marriage? Now that you are dating, you need to ask yourself and each other this vital question. If you are not honest with yourself, your motives could be selfish which just spells danger ahead. This is why you must be positive about yourself always.
#3 Get pre-marriage counselling
By the time you get to this point, both parties have agreed that marriage is definitely in the limelight. Congratulations. Please share your good news with us below!
But don’t go sprinting up the aisle without first getting pre-marriage counselling though. Even if your church does not formally offer this, request one! This is not an advice just for people faced with mental issues but every couple seeking marriage.
You need to understand the purpose of marriage. Both parties also need to work together with your counselor on issues that potentially arise or could arise as a result of mental illness in the marriage. These could include sexual, financial, career, health issues, children, to name a few. This is a time of absolute honesty. Don’t compromise on this step.
This Valentine’s Day, don’t get too wound up about the day. Love can take you by surprise at anytime. It happened to Chuck and I, and it can happen to you!
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