Q: My son’s teacher tells me my son is very troublesome. I also find that he is often naughty. I keep telling him that he is naughty and he has to change else life will be very difficult for him. He won’t amount to much if he carries on like this! His other brother is so different from him and excels at school. They both live in the same home, and are only a year apart. Why are they so different. He is really wearing me out! Help me before I go insane!
A: Hi and thank you for your question.
We have to realise the power of words because words are containers of our destiny. What we keep saying is what we become. Therefore we must be careful what we say to ourselves, about ourselves and also what we allow others to say about us. That is also true about our kids too.
It is not clear how old your boys are but that really is not the issue. What you need to start doing is change the way you speak to your son (the one that is experiencing challenges at home and school). A simple vocabulary change should start paving the way for your son. And will ultimately boost his confidence too. Instead of telling him he is naughty, you can say instead, what you did was naughty. That way you are separating the act from the person!
Also be careful how you speak words into their future. Because those words could potentially come back to replay later. So instead of saying you are naughty, say, son, I know you are going to be and have the best in life.
Next, do not to compare him to his brother. Although they both live in the same home and so on, they are very different too! Even twins are different. We all have a different destiny and purpose for our being. We have different gifts, talents and abilities to equip us for our purpose in this journey of life. You have to guide each child in the way that their purpose and destiny is for them. In fact, the Bible says Train up a child in the way they should go.
So there is a way every child goes. Often we try to bring up our kids in the way we want them to go. And this is where the conflict happens.
With his teachers, politely tell them to tell you what your son is doing rather than ‘name calling’. So rather than saying ‘your son is ‘always’ causing trouble’, ask them to tell you specifically what your son has done. The word ‘always’ cannot be right!
Daily speak words of power over your kids. Positive affirmations such as ‘My boys are intelligent, wise, and the best. They excel in all they do and so on.’ Tell them every day that you love them. We have a page dedicated to these kinds of affirmations.
And above all, pray for your sons. The power of prayer cannot be sidelined especially as Christians. If you are not a Christian and would like to become one, please say the salvation prayer on our Prayer page. Your sons are a gift from God. Receive them as such and ask Him how to bring up these beautiful gifts. Pray for their protection too. All is well.
Zoe
Recommended reading
You only need to ask – Recognizing when your Child needs help by Bloo House
How do you deal with disruptive behavior and still get a child to learn? What if a child refuses to participate? How can you get the best for your child?
Introversion & Extroversion – Helping Children to Learn by Moon College
Is your kid an introvert or an extrovert? What is the best way he can learn and be the best?
See more Q & A here
(If you have any questions you would like answered that you think may be of benefit to others on this page, please go to the Contacts page. Select I have a question for Q & A option. If we can we will answer! You will remain anonymous)