How not to Take things Personally
Do you often find that you take things personally? Perhaps your friends even think you are way too touchy or over-sensitive?
The thing is that others think you are overacting but really and truly their actions or words may cause us to feel a certain way.
However, we must realize that sometimes people may tell us not to take things personally as a cup out of their ‘rude’ or ‘brash’ manner.
Other times, genuinely, they really did not intend any harm. We have really taken it the wrong way.
The truth is we are made by words. I really do not believe in the adage that stones and sticks may break my bones but words do not hurt me.
I certainly do not subscribe to that club. Words can build or can really wound.
Ironically, just this morning, I came across this…
Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal (Proverbs 12:18 GNB)
So what can we do in order to not to take things personally?
Is it their ‘usual’ manner?
There are some people that I know if I were to spend some time with them, the likelihood of hearing something that will wound my spirit or make me upset is high on the stakes! No kidding.
Some people need to work on their communication. (OK, we all do).
And some have mastered how to get people upset, then turning it around like everyone else has the problem! It can be a form of manipulation or even bullying.
If you know they have the tendency to kind of put you down in this way, then we are on to something here…
Solution: This is not the first time…likely it won’t be the last. Don’t dwell on it. Just move on! You can also help them on how to communicate effectively…if they will listen. Also it is important to keep persistent, consistent, negative people at bay!
Try putting yourself in their shoes
Sometimes we just have to consider where people are at. I hear people say things like that does not give an excuse for poor behaviour.
Nonetheless, some people just take things out on others, especially the ones closest to them.
It is all the E word…Empathy. Think, would you probably be lashing out on others too if you were walking in their shoes? Likely!
Remember too how you may have said the same words to someone before.
Did you mean to be hurtful or did you in fact feel hurt that the person over-reacted? Well that could just be the case here.
Solution: Let it ride.
Do they have a point?
Often we keep hearing people tell us the same thing over and over again and think we are always misunderstood. Or we think others are always picking on us. Or that it is always everyone else’s fault.
This is not about fault finding. Sometimes we need to look inwards.
Of course I do not subscribe to the fact that the majority is always right. NO WAY!
Now, it is important that we do not over analyse at this stage. We will take up this point next.
Solution: Evaluate if you are over-reacting. And if you are, then apologize about it or just don’t get upset.
The point in all of this is not to play victim. Irrespective of whether you contributed to the person saying what they said or not, remember that you must never feel small, or feel that power has been taken away from you.
Are you over-analyzing?
Someone was once upset with me over something I did innocently. Over days and weeks, they avoided me and I had no clue as to why.
When eventually they told me they had been upset it was shocking to hear that my innocent act had been interpreted as something vindictive.
Boy, it took me several days to weeks to recover from the shock!
Boy, it could have become a vicious cycle because I was now taking it VERY personal. In the end, I had to let it ride!
Well all is said…don’t entertain wrong thoughts about you!
Even if they have a point, you cannot afford to entertain thoughts that there is something wrong with you.
You cannot stop believing in yourself! Don’t dwell on it too much. Never feel inadequate or feel worthless.
If you indeed think you are hypersensitive, talk to a trusted friend, counselor or pastor.
Don’t harbor hurt feelings that will leave you feeling depressed.
Finally, don’t forget to ask for clarification. In the case of my friend who got the wrong end of the stick, all it could have taken was a simple question to clarify the wrong thoughts they had formed in their mind concerning my motive.
It would have saved them ‘taking things personally’ and also saved me wondering why they were avoiding me!
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About The Author
I can identify with this article so much, it’s scary. I am the queen of holding in my feelings for days, weeks, months, even years! And of course, I eventually blew up like an atomic bomb when given the first chance to curse someone out! I would get mad at my husband, and he would ask me what’s wrong and I wouldn’t tell him. Then, he could do something similar to what upset me weeks ago, or even something so much smaller, and I would lash out! The situation was never that huge, but all the built up feelings from prior times I was upset and didn’t say anything would explode. Afterwards, I would feel so guilty, ashamed, and remorseful for how I acted and I would beat myself up over it, until I finally apologized. I realized that holding in my feelings were not good for me. And also, over analyzing situations were even more detrimental for me and my relationship. I had to start thinking logically and I had to learn to choose my battle’s. And if something bothers me, I learned to speak up and communicate my feelings better and that would give me a clearer understanding and help me see that the situation wasn’t as bad as it seemed. It wasn’t easy for me to change my way of thinking, but once I did, it’s so much more stress-free!
Thanks Tiffany. It sure is not good keeping things in. It is like an unexploded bomb!! Glad you learnt
to be open about your feelings. It sure goes a long way…
Thanks for sharing