The primary reasons why we get frustrated…and may not even know!
Ever found yourself yelling over little things a lot of the time? Or it seems like everyone is always doing something that is wrong? Or is that you become easily irritated at others and even things?
Or have you unearthed what Aunt Josephine did to your grandmother in 1950 and somehow you are the one all upset all now?
These are random examples, but could be you are simply frustrated!
Me, frustrated, you ask? Yes, hang on just a minute as I want you to seriously put some thought into this…
Frustrated people, and I am talking about seriously frustrated people, are often angry. To be honest, the most typical reaction to frustration, is anger. Then there is often resentment and bitterness that is added in the mix.
OK, it is a given, that most days present us with an opportunity to get frustrated. For example, the car refusing to start every day in the last few days can be a very frustrating occurrence especially when there are places to go and people to see! Spending time and money on a project that did not take off, can be frustrating.
However, when frustration is part and parcel of day to day living, when frustration has taken up permanent residence in your quarters, you need to do put a lid on it before it puts a lit on you.
I am not joking, frustration is not something to be taken lightly; give it an inch and it will take you off course miles, draining the energy out of you in the process and literally life even out of you. I am serious…I have seen vibrant people, rapidly go down because they allowed frustration to get its claws into them.
Let me give you a bit of an idea why we get frustrated
##1 We are worried
This is usually the fundamental root of most causes of frustration. Take a moment now…If you really delve deep, you may find that there is something niggling you, hence the frustration. There is something that you are worried about. That thing you refuse to think about, may be just the thing that is really on your mind!
There is an interesting story in the Bible of two sisters. Hang on a minute while I illustrate how we could easily not recognise that frustration was breeding here. One day in the household of Mary and Martha, Jesus had come to visit them. Mary was being enjoying His company while Martha was busy fussing in the kitchen, getting something for the Guest. It can be easy to see why Martha was not happy. I would!
But then Martha made an outburst right in front of their guest, showing up her sister. Here I am busy in the kitchen and there is Mary sitting at your Feet and you say nothing to her! (in my words ). Some guests would have felt embarrassed, caught up between two sisters’ feuds. However Jesus did not tell Mary off, rather He could see what the issue was. He told Martha she was worried and anxious (another cause of frustration) about many things. Martha’s unexpected outburst, shouting at her sister in front of their guest and at their guest even, was because she was frustrated.
So, worry can lead to frustration. Jesus told her that she did not need to be thinking about too many things. In fact, Martha was to focus on the most important thing which was His visit that day.
Listen my friend, when we are thinking of too many things, it leads to worry and anxiety. We need to take one day at a time and prioritise what is important for the now.
##2 Our expectations are not met
In our example again, we can see that Martha had an expectation. In other words, things were not going our way. The root cause was of course, worry and anxiety and that blighted her expectations.
Her expectation was I have so many things to think about and my sister cannot even do the decent thing to help me in the kitchen, giving me more things to worry and fuss about. Does she not think our guest needs refreshments?
But the Guest was not even thinking about refreshments. He had not even noticed. Because Mary’s expectations did not meet Martha’s, the frustration that was seething underneath was very easy to go off. Frustrated feelings are like volcanoes. They are just waiting to erupt.
Sometimes adjusting our expectations can lead to less frustration. That is not to say that one should not have high expectations. Rather, lets see expectations as building blocks especially if we are constantly frustrated at the moment.
##3 Our own expectations of ourselves are not met
I am a firm believer in having dreams and visions. But what happens when the sell by date of the dreams has gone? We must be careful that we do not end up frustrated.
OK, we did not get the dream job. We are still not married. We did not make university.
What I can say, is don’t allow these expectations to eat you up. Else it will drain the life out of you. Refuse to live a life of regret and sadness, even depression.
The boat may have sailed but do you not think another boat will dock? It may not be the boat you wanted to board, but it is a boat that is taking you over the waters. Get on board. Look for new opportunities. There is always hope, as long as there is breathe. If we do not board, we risk low self esteem and lack of confidence which just feeds the flame of frustration.
To round up, frustration can lead to depression. Frustration is like a weed in our lives that stops us from moving forward. It is a prime de-motivator. Frustration is a red flag and must be dealt with once recognised. Frustration is destructive, so disallow it in your life. It can even lead to self abuse.
We may not be quick to recognise that we are frustrated. We just think we are an angry bird, or that we are always worried, or just know that we are a complainer.
So I hope this post has helped somewhat in ‘diagnosing’ where the fundamental issues are that we may be facing. Another time, we will take a look at how to deal with frustration. Here is what to do now… look at one or two of our posts on anger management tips, fear, anxiety and worry, why complaining is harmful.
Let us not take frustration for granted. Let’s look out for frustrated people around us; they are crying for help and attention. The world is full of frustrated people, we can see it every day on the news!
Perhaps you can share this post with someone you know that is frustrated! It may be a start in helping them recognise the issue and therefore deal with it.
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