8 Steps to Supporting Survivors of Abuse [Part 1 of 2]
By Jamie Edwards
We know that recovery from abuse is not linear, nor simple. The journey to healing is complicated, with many twists and turns in the road.
With that being said, the journey to recovery is not easy for those supporting survivors either, as supporters often find themselves feeling overwhelmed, out of their depth, and unsure what to do for the best. It is also essential that you take care of your mental health when supporting someone.
Here are 8 steps to being the best supporter you can be:
#1 Listen
It takes enormous trust and courage for survivors to open up about what they have been through and how they are feeling.
Should you ever have the privilege of having a survivor feel able to talk to you, it is incredibly important that you listen without interruption, and without judgement.
Try not to feel intimidated or hold back from having an active conversation. The survivor will not be expecting you to fix or solve anything. They simply want to be heard. They have chosen you because of who you are, and because of the relationship you share.
Do not be afraid to be yourself. The last thing survivors want is for your relationship to change as a result of their disclosure. So do listen. But also remain your authentic self.
#2 Validate
Hear and acknowledge what they are going through. Make it clear to the survivor that you are paying attention. Reflect back what they are saying in your own words, as you understand it. Acknowledge that you hear what they are saying and that you are doing your upmost to understand what they are saying.
#3 Empathise
Empathy involves trying to see the world from another person’s perspective, in order to gain a better understanding into how they are feeling. Try to understand their history and how this has shaped them. And why this may be impacting the way that they are feeling now. Ask open questions to demonstrate that you are truly open to hearing whatever they feel able to share. And then give them the space to do so. Normalise the way that they are feeling, in light of the abuse they have survived. The way that they are feeling/thinking/behaving is expected and okay given the trauma that they have survived.
Listening, validating and sympathizing are by far the most important steps you take to Be the best support a survivor of abuse can have. Next time, we shall explore the remaining steps….
Author Bio
PMAC trainer and writer, Hayley Broughton-McKinna, has many years’ experience working in mental health and with trauma and abuse. She currently works in the criminal justice system and conducts training for PMAC. In her spare time she enjoys researching psychology and volunteering with charities.
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