What Makes us Easily Stop Believing in Ourselves?

I attended a speaking conference recently.  One of the speakers said something that grabbed my attention – often the reason why one can get depressed is because we stop believing in ourselves. 

I think that is profound.  Here was this speaker who had mingled with the

superstars of the world.  At the time she had hit an all time low emotional pit, she was highly successful by the world’s standards.  She had an enviable life and career.  Her friends would have probably given up their jewelry just to be in her shoes.  Little did they know that amidst all of these, she had stopped believing in herself!  That she was spiraling quickly into desolate sadness and finally into depression.

I took a few tips from her and got my cue for today’s blog.  You can tell she got me thinking.  But guys, how easy it is to quickly stop believing in yourself?  Why do people stop believing in themselves?

##1 We hang out with the wrong people

Joel Osteen once said you cannot choose to hang out with negative people and expect to live a positive life.  It is so true.  This  ‘negative thing’ is contagious. 

The other day I unfortunately was on the receiving end of someone who just whined and whined and whined and whined.  You get my gist.  By the time it was done, I was feeling irritable (sorry Chuck!) and feeling angry for reasons I could not begin to think why? 

Boy, this negative thing can affect you, and the thing is, you don’t even know it is happening.  By the time you have listened to A to Z of someone’s moaning, you gonna start thinking ‘what if this happened to me too?’.  That sure is not good.   By the way, studies show that complaining affects the brain!

Any brilliant ideas you had, you going to start remembering how it did not work for Mr. So and So.  You have lost confidence and you did not even know how.  The saddest thing also is that you keep hanging out with the negative/toxic people and each time more of your confidence is being rubbed off.

One word – RUN!!

##2 We hang out too much on Social Media

Yep, it has got to be said.  Social media has a lot of positive points and I am not against the use of them.  But you got to know where to draw the line and you also got to be HONEST WITH YOURSELF. 

Every time you go on Facebook and see your friends blabbing about their wonderful life, you get upset, don’t you?  Or you start comparing yourself to them not realizing that we all have our purpose for life and that we are in our individual races!  Then you begin to question yourself.  Till you saw your friends brand new Porsche, you were very happy with your third had Mercedes.  Now, you just see the car as a transporting metal that gets on your nerves. 

Turn off their notifications if you can’t handle all the gloating.  And then work on yourself so you don’t get envious.  Be happy to be content with what you have and your achievements.  Remember that a lot of people are mega amplifying their achievements on social media too!

##3  Someone tells us that we are not good enough

When you seek other people’s opinions, you got to be ready to take the heat too.  There are those that will praise you.  But if your critics should get their teeth into you, you will find yourself sinking quicker than the Titanic.  Steer clear of those icebergs where you feel you need the approval of others in order to take the next step.  Joyce Meyer calls it the approval fix. 

If someone says NO, see that word as New Opportunity.  You keep getting employment rejection letters, don’t see it as an attack on you.  Just tell them, they just lost their best candidate…and go and improve your skills some more.  Tell yourself, you are setting yourself up for a major comeback, mate. 

Someone tells you that you are not good enough, is not the time to start meditating on their words.  The sirens should start sounding at that point if you do.   OK, you may not be qualified or the ‘best’ person for the task.  Find out what their plausible reasons are without being defensive.

And you got to believe what the Bible says.  If you did not till now, here is something that will boost that low morale –  You can do anything through Christ that strengthens you.  If God believes in you so much that He said all things are yours, how dare anyone contradict that with negative vibes!  Ride high, mate.  You are not just good enough, you are more than enough!

##4  We speak negative

Don’t be careless with your words. Before the words, would have been the thoughts.  But there is not enough space to go into all that today so will merge the two.  Work on your thoughts because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks!  

I cringe when I hear people say things like ‘Silly me’, ‘I am clumsy’, ‘I always forget’, ‘I break everything’.  You may be saying these things as jokes but words are powerful.   Keep saying them, your body is responding to those words unconsciously.  Soon enough you indeed become clumsy, forgetful and so on. 

The resulting factor is that you lose confidence in yourself because you keep seeing yourself making mistakes.  But it was not like that once upon a time.  You made one mistake back then ago and you made it a mantra that you are error prone.  Suddenly your life has become that way and you are frustrated.  Avoid the trap of negative talking.  Instead talk positive, faith filled words to yourself.  

##5  We don’t accept compliments

Firstly, learn to give compliments and sincerely too.  When you do, you will see the value of compliments and will wholeheartedly accept them.  Someone tells you that you are clever, don’t say, oh I did nothing, it was the computer who did it all!  Someone could have had the computer and still not done it.  Run with the compliment and add that to your journal.  Say those words back to yourself.  Those are the positive words you got to keep saying to yourself!

##6  We forget our victories

When you keep looking at that negative spot instead of seeing the rest of the paper, your judgement can be clouded.  Have a victory/testimony journal.  Those times when the negative ‘not believing in yourself’ attacks you, open it up and remind yourself of your victories.  Of the challenges you overcame. 

Change your life in 5 mins – Discover and break the hidden power of negative words is a great blog post.   Why not read it now and pep yourself up.

About The Author

Zoe

Zoe met Eze (Chuck) in the 14th year of what turned out to be an 18 year ‘journey’ with mental illness. They got married less than a year of meeting with Zoe fully knowing Chuck had a diagnosis of mental illness. In the 18th year, Chuck defied the odds of mental illness. A consultant psychiatrist signed him off the mental health system with a bill of NO MENTAL ILLNESS. The consultant was so amazed by Chuck’s astonishing recovery that he even questioned how Chuck was diagnosed with mental illness all those years before, in the first place! Today Chuck is free from medication, its dependency and hospitalizations. Zoe’s award nominated book, DEFYING THE ODDS, chronicles the highs and ‘lows’ of this journey. Zoe, often writing from the standpoint of a caregiver, clearly understands that mental illness does not only affect an individual challenged with the disease, but also families, marriages and society as a whole.

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